Code No. 7 About expectations
EXPECTATIONS are the picture you create in your head of how things should be
We create pictures of how it should be.
If it doesn't happen like that, we either get bored, angry, disappointed or withdraw. In the worst case, we talk badly about the people who were involved in our "expected situation". In other words, we block ourselves because our image, our expectation did not agree with the way it turned out.
The blocking happens because we are not open to unknown things.
Often there is a fear behind it because we do not know how we will react if unexpected situations arise.
The safest way is to walk on known paths. Unknown paths are scary. We create images of expectations as "it should be".
The expectations we have are created are there, due to what we have experienced, the society we live in and the environment we come from.
I have experienced that our expectations of how things should be on the path of life, in our inner programmed image, often help to keep the doors to the heart closed, in different ways.
If something doesn't turn out the way I expected, it takes a lot of my energy. Can you recognize yourself?
How do you deal with this when you have to communicate with a group or with a single person from whom you have expected something that was not fulfilled?
Again we will get there, as with the other codes, first we have to go in and find out what is behind exactly what we expected, before we can communicate about the situation. In other words, you must again give acceptance both to yourself, that you react the way you do and accept that the other person/s do not have the same way of thinking as you.
In the picture, you see a couple around whom it is beaming.
Perhaps you have been there too, met a person you have fallen in love with, who has set many expectations in motion in you?
BUT like most of us, you forgot to find out if your expectations roughly coincided and then there will always be conflicts in the end, if the expectations diverge.
You have to show your courage when you are in love and want to say things to the other person that you have no idea how it will be received.
Likewise, you must show your courage as a leader when you have to talk to your employees about things you have expected that have not been fulfilled.
You have to be brave if you, as an employee, are going to talk to the manager about what you expected that has not been met.
You have to be brave when you say something to friends about what you expect in different situations.
It is precisely then, when you have decided to say it, that it helps you to have done the job of giving acceptance to both you and the other party in relation to the situation.
If you do that, your words, your voice, your body language will be colored by exactly that - you give acceptance and are not firmly locked in.
But he is he and she is she and they have their reasons for not reacting the way I would have expected.
You realize and understand that how you did it is not important, it is their way that is important here.
So what is important, in order to be able to communicate in a way that reaches out, is what lies behind in relation to how the other party reacts.
Starting a conversation with questions that show you want to know the reason why person x's thinking is always going to open doors.
Then you can more easily choose how you want to proceed based on both your wishes and those of the other party.
In order to really become a good communicator, you have to correct yourself in the beginning, until it is in the spinal cord. There will be less and less correction as this has become part of your new action pattern.
When you've gotten to the point where it starts to become part of who you are, you'll find that talking to others is easy, no matter the situation.
It's a liberating feeling and you know that's where you want to be.
Regardless of who you are or what position or situation you are in, you will eventually be able to feel that an inner harmony is entering your mind.
All my clients who work with this say so and I know it myself.
You can simply be yourself and feel comfortable in situations where before you only wished you could not say anything.
You will notice that you meet new people in your life who are very different from yourself. You find the tone with each other after just a few sentences. It's like you attract good people.
It is actually what you do because you have cracked the communication code, you have always had the freedom to be able to do what you want, to fulfill your wishes. Only now, when you have trained what you have read in this blog, you do begin to see your possibilities because your inner self is no longer concerned with all that is not essential.
You start to see what is important for you to feel good and be in place, your fellow human beings notice that, those you relate to in life.
You work with yourself not to have expectations, and you notice that you can enjoy much more what happens in everyday life. It initiates a curiosity about what happens around the next corner on life's path.
You will also notice that you no longer worry about how things will develop, you are present there and then and take it when it comes, you can communicate about what is needed to take the next step, together.
Taking it as it comes is a great liberation. From time to time you relapse until my expectations come up, but then I just step in and correct yourself and say to yourself: I wonder how x approaches this?
This means that you no longer have so many fixed images about how things should be or become. Now you can take things as you go and be flexible, without it stinging. You don't always have to be in control.
Remember when we talked about EI and that is: you know for sure that what doesn't feel right in the heart and stomach region, you don't want to go ahead with.
You will notice that when you unconditionally accept what comes, your desires about what you want and don't want come out much more clearly.
It is not difficult to achieve what you want anymore because you have become someone who can communicate in a clear and congruent way, no matter to whom and no matter who you are - but this must be practiced.
Here in the blog, you only get a few thoughts and as you have understood, I have different courses that are only about communication.
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